The Novel: Washington State

I. INTRO

LOOK, THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE YOUR NORMAL NAM LE NOVEL.

BY DEFINITION, IT CANNOT BE – NO NOVEL HAS EVER BEEN WRITTEN IN THESE CONDITIONS, AND THUS, IT ONLY MAKES SENSE THAT I DROP ANY PRETENSE OF MAINTAINING WELL-CRAFTED PROSE THIS WEEK. NUANCE – AND NORMAL CAPITALIZATION RULES - WILL FIND NO HOME IN THESE WORDS.

(Editor’s note: At least for the first three sections)

LOOK, I’VE BEEN DOING THE CAL BLOGGING THING FOR SIX YEARS – A TIME THAT HAS SEEN ME GROW UP, GRADUATE FROM MULTIPLE ACADEMIC INSTITUTIONS, TAKE MY LIFE FROM THE BAY AREA TO LOS ANGELES, FOLLOW THE ADVENTURES OF THREE DIFFERENT COACHES, TWO DIFFERENT PRESIDENTS, AND EXPERIENCE ALL THOSE OTHER STANDARD MEASUREMENTS OF AGING.

I DON’T CLAIM TO HAVE SEEN MORE BAD FOOTBALL THAN ANYONE OLDER THAN ME, BUT I DEFINITELY CLAIM THE BEAR’S SHARE OF IT AMONG ANYONE IN MY AGE GROUP – FOR GOD’S SAKE I BOUGHT TWO PAIRS OF SEASON TICKETS TO THE 1-11 SEASON AND I HAVEN’T YET QUIT WRITING – AND IN ALL THAT TIME, I CAN COUNT THE TRULY, MEANINGFULLY HAPPY MEMORIES OF THAT TIMESPAN ON A SINGLE HAND: 2012 AGAINST UCLA, 2015 AND 2016 AGAINST TEXAS, 2015 AGAINST ARIZONA STATE, AND 2015 AGAINST AIR FORCE; EACH OF WHICH REQUIRED SOME CLOSE CALL, SOME COMEBACK, SOME ACT OF GOD, SOME VASTLY INFERIOR OPPONENT, OR A SLIGHTLY BETTER ONE PLAYING DOWN TO OUR LEVEL.

THIS WAS NOT THOSE.

IN WHAT IS QUICKLY BECOMING A JUSTIN WILCOX TRADITION, YESTERDAY WAS DEFINITELY NONE OF THOSE – OUR FEARLESS LEADER HAS MADE A HABIT OF COACHING OUT GAMES THAT BREAK OUR FRAMES OF REFERENCE, LEAVING NO APOLOGIES FOR THE WRECKAGE.

THIS WAS BEATING THE BLOOD, SNOT, PISS, TEARS, AND GODDAMN PLASMA OUT OF AN OPPONENT ALL REASON SUGGESTED WE HAD LITTLE CHANCE AGAINST, WHISTLE TO WHISTLE. WAZZU’S VAUNTED FRONT LINES WERE NEUTRALIZED BY ROLLOUT, THEIR STAR QUARTERBACK HUMBLED, THEIR NUMBER EIGHT RANKING SNATCHED BY UNPRECEDENTED DEFENSIVE DETERMINATION.

A WEEK AGO, WE WERE BRACING FOR THE LAST OF AN UNWINNABLE STRETCH, CONSOLING OURSELVES WITH THE THOUGHT OF A FULL, FREE WEEKEND, AND ARIZONA TO FOLLOW, NOT REALLY ENTERTAINING EVEN THE FANTASY OF AN UPSET – AND CERTAINLY NOT ONE OF A BLOWOUT.

I HAVE RARELY BEEN HAPPIER TO BE SO IMPOSSIBLY, MORONICALLY WRONG.

I HAVE NEVER FELT LESS CARE IN BEING SO, EITHER.

II. REJECTED LEDES/DIRECTIONS I CHOSE NOT TO GO WITH FOR THE INTRO

ANYTHING INVOLVING SMOKE, FIRE, REBIRTH, OR PHOENIXES

FREAKY FRIDAY/FRIDAY THE 13TH

COUGIN’ IT/CLEMSONING

READING INTO THE SYMBOLISM OF FLIPPING FORWARD

PAC-12 AFTER DARK

LUCK/BOUNCES/KARMA

ANY MENTIONS OF THE 1-52-WHATEVER RECORD AGAINST TOP TEN TEAMS

III. OTHER THOUGHTS

THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD SHOW UP TO GAMES NO MATTER WHAT – YOU JUST NEVER KNOW WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN

WE SHOULD, BARRING SOMETHING UTTERLY INSANE, GO BOWLING THIS YEAR. SHOULD WE NOT, WE HAVE ALREADY NOW EXCEEDED EXPECTATIONS, AND THAT’S COOL, BUT NOBODY WANTS TO STOP HERE NOW.

COLORADO HAS RE-ENTERED THE PICTURE AS A WINNABLE GAME, WHILE ARIZONA AND OREGON STATE REMAIN SO BY VIRTUE OF BEING HOME MATCHUPS AND MIDDLE-TIER OPPONENTS. STANFORD AND UCLA ARE ALSO IN PLAY – THERE IS A REASONABLE SCENARIO IN WHICH WE TAKE ONE, IF NOT BOTH STRAIGHT UP.

I MAY HAVE ALREADY PEEKED AT THE PAC-12 BOWL BIDS CHART AND BEGUN PRE-EMPTIVE DECEMBER PLANS

OH MY GOD I SOUND LIKE HEAT STROKE SCOTTY

LET’S JUST MOVE ON.

POINT IS, THE DOOR IS EXTREMELY OPEN TO MAKE SOME NOISE. BRING YOUR TAMBOURINES, BONGOS, VUVUZELAS AND OTHER ECCENTRIC BERKELEY MUSIC MACHINES.

ARIZONA HAS NOW BEEN ELEVATED TO TRAP GAME STATUS – ANY TIME YOU HAVE A POTENTIAL SEASON DEFINING TEAM, YOU HAVE TO PROTECT FROM FALLING APART THE NEXT WEEK. SPREAD THE WORD. IT’S A TRAP GAME.

SHOUTS OUT TO THE ASIAN REF WHO BLESSED US WITH A VARIETY OF GOOD CALLS. MY BROTHER AMONG BILLIONS.

I AM PRO FIELD STORMING. I AM GLAD WE STORMED THE FIELD LAST NIGHT.

THREE FREAKING WEEKS LAST MONTH I TRAVEL FOR CAL GAMES AND I PICK THE WRONG ONE TO MISS GODDAMMIT

IV. OFFENSE (EXCEEDS EXPECTATIONS+, OR A-)

(Volume down)

I wanted to give an O+ grade in all three phases, but the realist in me—ah screw it.

IV. OFFENSE (OUTSTANDING+)

Against a unit they were projected to do fairly little against, and now missing Patrick Laird to boot, Beau Baldwin gameplanned a 5.2 ypp – the Cougs are still averaging 4.59 and are 13th after Friday night – and that deserves to be commended considering how little is left in the deck.

Two sacks given up, nine tfl, both of which could be cleaned up a bit further, but Ross was really able to look more calm than he has been in recent weeks. His final line won’t show it, either – there are at least five drops that aren’t charted. this is about the ideal Ross Bowers game at this point, running enough to keep the opponent off balance, making enough throws to keep things handled, and most importantly, the ball security was super on point, which i’m sure they made an extreme point of emphasis against Alex Grinch’s Speed D.

You’re not usually going to lose if you go +7 in turnovers.

(Someone smart on twitter who i can’t recall right now noted Beau Baldwin has done well against WSU before, which I honestly hadn’t considered. I’m not taking that as a strike against him though, since Scotty concluded this roster might be worse than the one he had at EWU.)

Helluva time for Enwere to have the game of his life, even if the stats might have been better at some other point. This is the one receipt I’ll be able to cash from this game, since I thought we had no chance whatsoever – his body type plays well against Wazzu, as some of you may remember him rumbling for 41 yards to convert a long third. Took a while for him to impose his will and it will likely always take a bit to get the engine going, but there will be no complaints for this night.

Did we find an emergent playmaker like i hoped? Not really. Duncan, Echols, Clark, Singleton, and Hawkins didn’t particularly break out – they will still be needed - but this one was made possible by literally a group contribution up and down the line.

The Kyle Wells touchdown was a year in the making – teams had gotten used to Reinwald as the receiving tight end, which made it easy to ignore Wells. Sucks to be you, Wazzu.

Honestly stunned they even went for it there, with the ball coming out of the half. I would have been ecstatic to just take the field goal and run. (Shout out to the vegan protester who got us an extra timeout by storming the field.)

V. DEFENSE (OUTSTANDING+)

Get well soon, my son Devante. It was not immediately clear what injury he suffered, but should he miss any serious time, I will still bitterly mutter under my breath how unfair it is that we waited all this time for him only to get it snatched away from us when it really mattered.

Camryn Bynum and Elijah Hicks will be the best corners in the Pac-12 in two years. I wish I had a receipt on Bynum. All I have is some comments pegging him as a breakout after spring, which is not nearly as valuable as being able to say you knew it from the start.

Had to feel good about the matchup of Allensworth, Bynum, Hicks, Beck, Drayden, and Franklin against Washington State. Did not think it would reach that level of dominance, though – the lockdown efforts from the secondary as a whole made the three-four man rush packages work, giving enough time to get there. (They were always going to need Allensworth at some point. glad he’s going to get a chance to go out strong.)

Avi felt even better than I did about that end, saying to me before the game that Deruyter and company do well against simpler offenses. He’s got a fantastic pulse on the program thus far under Wilcox – I don’t, outside of the UNC win – he also called the Ole Miss win and the close game against USC.

Felt like it was not a great game from Weaver, at least watching live, which is part of why Kunaszyk got snaps instead. Weaver appeared weirdly stiff for some reason.

The fact that several of the TFLs were recorded by non-Looney – Bequette had 1.5 and I feel like Tevin Paul was not officially credited with some of the tackles for loss – bodes well for the future after him.

Wasn’t sure how Kunaszyk would do with more playing time against an offense that passes so much and stretches the field, but he responded with a fantastic game all around, as did Gerran Brown and Ashtyn Davis, who seemed to consistently be in the right spot at the right time when he was on the field.

This is what the staff is doing with walk-ons and old juco transfers from the previous regime. What are they going to do when they get their own players (assuming they are good evaluators and not just developers)?

Three of the turnovers were just freak bounces, but hey, you practice for those situations too. Nice not to have that go against them, though.

I didn’t even realize Cal forced them to put in Hilinski until I checked the box score the next day let’s just say I was having way too much fun

Wazzu should have ran the ball more with Cal so intent to sit back. Beyond the high YPC they averaged, Morrow had two touches after the second quarter, James Williams had none, and Gerard Wicks had none either. I don’t understand the strategy, but I respect the results. (They were eating up chunks of yardage and having a great time against the backers, so i was really confused.)

They really beat the crap out of these guys though they averaged 4.7 ypp and 6 chunk gains on 74 plays. Even for a team that is more dink and dunk – not particularly explosive at 41st in the country coming into the game by ISOPPP – that’s a hell of an effort. Some would say Herculean.

VI. UNOFFICIAL ADVANCED STATS

Yards per play and explosiveness – This was a slop fest of a game, from an execution standpoint. Neither team was able to generate much chunk yardage down the field, which is normal for the WSU offense, and expected when you’re missing as many playmakers as Cal is. 5.2 is a poor mark – would be the 97th in the country if they got that number each week - and part of why i hesitated on giving the offense the grade that they received. Ultimately, I got soft.

Field position and points per trip inside the 40 – the game was won here – because Wazzu gave them so many opportunities and plays, even the most ineffective, anemic offenses can usually turn that into something. 3.75 points per trip is below our seasonal average of 3.91, by the way, and they already rank 110th in the country at finishing opportunities.

HAVOC – MY…GOD…IT’S…IT’S BEAUTIFUL.

(Editor’s Note: Volume Back up)

VII. SPECIAL TEAMS (OUTSTANDING+)

PROBABLY NOT AN O-WORTHY GRADE BUT I’LL GIVE IT TO EM ON THE BASIS OF GETTING SOME ACTUAL PLAYS FROM THEM

A RETURN OF VALUE FROM VIC WHARTON – 31 YARDS THAT SET UP A TOUCHDOWN

WAZZU PUNTED THE BALL AND ONLY GOT ONE YARD OUT OF IT!!! WHAT IS IT ABOUT WAZZU AND SPECIAL TEAMS ERRORS? I DON’T KNOW BUT I’LL TAKE IT

ALL MADE KICKS BY MATT ANDERSON, WHO PICKED THE IDEAL TIME TO RETURN TO HIS 2016 FORM. INCLUDING A 48 YARDER!

ONE FORGIVEABLE SPECIAL TEAMS TOUCHDOWN CANCELED BY HOLD

SOLID PUNTING GAME FROM KLUMPH, SUBPAR PUNT COVERAGE

VIII. CLOSING

AVOID

BEAR

TRAPS